Jacob Falkovich is the writer behind Second person dating, a blog and Substack weaving together rationality, relationships, and culture. His work explores how dating works in the real world — not the fairy tale or the algorithm — and what it means to be honest, strategic, and human, follow Jacob on Twitter
We talk about the epistemology of dating, the myth of soulmates, polyamory, emotional rationality, and how to escape the hidden scripts of modern romance. Topics are outlined in the timestamps below.
Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Support my work here and follow me on Twitter here
Timestamps
00:00 – Intro
02:43 – Dating as an inference problem, not a competition
05:26 – How “active inference” applies to attraction
08:09 – Everything you do sends a signal — whether you know it or not
10:52 – Selection effects and dating dynamics in apps
13:35 – Why dating apps are broken markets
16:18 – Soulmate fantasies, agency, and gender roles
19:01 – Mimetic stories and the identity of being “unlovable”
21:44 – How status games distort love and dating
24:27 – Authenticity vs strategic presentation
27:10 – Why lying on dating apps ruins your filter
29:53 – Polyamory, open relationships, and cringe signaling
32:36 – Jealousy, drama, and doing it for the wrong reasons
35:19 – Love as transformation, not optimization
38:02 – Rationalists, emotions, and long-term unpredictability
40:45 – Relationships as prediction problems, not utility hacks
43:28 – What Jacob learned from 10 years with his wife
46:11 – Breaking social scripts through cultural contrast
48:54 – The cost of following the script vs living with intention
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